In this post wish to examine the art of having richer conversations. Had the privilege of observing a whole range of conversations amongst people in the last couple of weeks and observed closely how little time people spend trying to truly understand someone else’s real need in a conversation/meeting

When you go to any meeting be it for making a sale, discussing an existing project, gathering information for a weekly review. In all of these meetings our intent is to unravel the apparent need which is usually factual in nature. Once we gather this surface level information most of us start our usual sales talk, usual pitch based on our indoctrination of multiple years and stop listening – we behave like the “knowers”. All of us are guilty of being “Knowers” especially at home with kids;(

The key in any conversation/meeting is to get from the apparent need to the real need. The real need of most individuals would be emotional and aspirational in nature. This need can be unraveled by an artful conversationalist by probing and checking.

The first step toward richer conversation requires a complete shift in thinking - transitioning from a mindset of “knower” to “learner”. We must be prepared to abandon the traditional governing principles of staying in control, responding while someone is still talking, refusing to consider alternatives and imposing our point of view.

“Knowers” must embrace the learning principles such as: pausing to think before responding, becoming more self-aware, probing to unravel multiple options, discussing difficult topics, seeing others as strong and capable in making decisions mutually and willing to change your point of  view based on the flow of the discussion.

Richer conversations requires time, openness and skillful facilitation  It takes time to build trust, hear all voices, learn and process other perspectives, opinions, feelings by checking and probing. It takes time to find common ground and shared vision. But it is time well spent. In life when conversations are richer, our work is more effective and our relationships are stronger.

My personal experience is teaching me that having richer conversations at home is more difficult than at work. We tend to take people at home for granted and we think we understand their needs best and behave like a “knowers” - that we have got to the point of not listening to them. Try this at home & work – change the mindset from knower to learner and have a richer life!

Let me know "what do you think" on art of having "richer conversations" is this is an area, where there is an infinite scope for improvement for each one of us to change our hearts, minds and behaviour?