The stories we tell ourselves daily affect our quality of life. Play close attention to these stories  – question them to see if you feel like a victim and someone else is a villain. These stories can unleash of chain of thoughts that cause serious harm to your mental balance.

Have made a list of such stories that run my mind everyday

- This individual (customer) has a way to get the worst out of us. Knows how to crib and complain and given a choice will want us to move email inside their office in the name of customer service

- My peers don’t experience the same quantum of pressure like my team does

- Competition seems to win deals against us on price not value

- My subordinates goof up and expect me to clean the mess

- My children are not as smart as that of my neighbor’s children ..and my wife has to remind me of that everyday

- I work out so hard in the gym and get into the office to have someone notice additional weight in my girth – feel like boxing that person;)

When we are going through such a cycle of thought it’s important to step back and examine the stories we tell ourselves. The likelihood of changing the behavior of others is slim to none. The possibility of changing our expectations from others and our stories is vast.

The stories we tell ourselves has great power over us - depending on how they are told, our stories can either enlighten or mislead, inspire or discourage. Good luck on your story telling!

In today's anxiety-saturated world -  Most people don't like feeling fear especially around relationships, job, health etc and attempt  to start consciously choosing to ignore fear, to talk yourself out of it

When you encounter a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable/insecure/scared/uncertain and instead of heading for the metaphorical exit door, you stay strong and do the thing you know you should do. First, you realize that the fear was mostly a hallucination. And second, you get some kind of an unexpected reward for your bravery. I've seen it time and time again. It's a law of life I guess.

So run to fear. Start small. Slow and steady wins the race: your life will expand or contract in direct relationship to your willingness to walk directly towards the things that you fear. Moving towards fear in your daily life means doing that which you hate/detest/fear/loathe/don't want to do, and doing that thing first, before all else.

Do your fears and you play big. Run from them and you shrink from greatness.

The objective of this post was to highlight how to use fear to your advantage and benefits of being scared – let me know what you think

We are moving from an information age to innovation age. Knowledge and information has become a commodity, whose value is going down with time. In this new age the value of creativity is going up and application and monetization of knowledge is becoming key. Every country, business and individuals are being forced to think differently in this fast paced networked world. The purpose of this post is debate how valuable it is to think in new ways - and how difficult this is to accomplish?

Ask yourself , "Where do you get great ideas?” the funny thing is no one answers "at work". Instead they say their best ideas happen in the shower, during a drive, when they are training or learning, listening to music, when they are alone, relaxed or outside in a park or natural environment.

Most of the answers involve recreation and in today’s fast paced environment we get very little time to think and innovate. Where will the big idea’s come from - when all work alike and think alike -  no thinks very much;(

Google is one 21^st century company which  get this and employees are encouraged to take time off to think differently and innovate. This in my mind is a prelude to why business creativity will become even more important in the future.

Most things are yet undone, we have a glorious future. There is higher value in doing things different, which means that we have to get better at creativity and innovation.

Its easy to state that we need to be more creative – the difficult part is that we have not been taught to be creative. How do we go about training ourselves to be more creative and innovative to evolve different kinds of ideas.

Looking for inputs/comments “on how to”  become more creative and "whether" its a requirement in the age of innovation?

Surely much of what makes life worth living comes down to our feelings of well being – our happiness and sense of fulfillment. Good quality relationships are the strongest source of such feelings.

Good relationships nourish us and support our health. While toxic relationships can poison us. And our success and happiness on the job, in our marriage and families, even our ability to live in peace depend crucially on our quality of relationships.

To live more richly we need to get better in building and nurturing relationships – in ourselves &  in others?  Expand our ability to look beyond our narrow self-interest to the best interest of others. Learn to deal better with those who lack this capability?

In the workplace, the best leaders build strong social networks and rich communities of teammates, suppliers and customers that help them get to where they're going (while they, in turn, reciprocate)

Life is indeed about relationships. Find ways to connect. With the people you work with. With the loved ones you live with. And with the strangers you share this journey called  life with.  

You'll not only attract more professional success. You'll feel more personally significant.

Let me know your thoughts on the importance of relationships and how we can get better at building them ?

In this post wish to examine the art of having richer conversations. Had the privilege of observing a whole range of conversations amongst people in the last couple of weeks and observed closely how little time people spend trying to truly understand someone else’s real need in a conversation/meeting

When you go to any meeting be it for making a sale, discussing an existing project, gathering information for a weekly review. In all of these meetings our intent is to unravel the apparent need which is usually factual in nature. Once we gather this surface level information most of us start our usual sales talk, usual pitch based on our indoctrination of multiple years and stop listening – we behave like the “knowers”. All of us are guilty of being “Knowers” especially at home with kids;(

The key in any conversation/meeting is to get from the apparent need to the real need. The real need of most individuals would be emotional and aspirational in nature. This need can be unraveled by an artful conversationalist by probing and checking.

The first step toward richer conversation requires a complete shift in thinking - transitioning from a mindset of “knower” to “learner”. We must be prepared to abandon the traditional governing principles of staying in control, responding while someone is still talking, refusing to consider alternatives and imposing our point of view.

“Knowers” must embrace the learning principles such as: pausing to think before responding, becoming more self-aware, probing to unravel multiple options, discussing difficult topics, seeing others as strong and capable in making decisions mutually and willing to change your point of  view based on the flow of the discussion.

Richer conversations requires time, openness and skillful facilitation  It takes time to build trust, hear all voices, learn and process other perspectives, opinions, feelings by checking and probing. It takes time to find common ground and shared vision. But it is time well spent. In life when conversations are richer, our work is more effective and our relationships are stronger.

My personal experience is teaching me that having richer conversations at home is more difficult than at work. We tend to take people at home for granted and we think we understand their needs best and behave like a “knowers” - that we have got to the point of not listening to them. Try this at home & work – change the mindset from knower to learner and have a richer life!

Let me know "what do you think" on art of having "richer conversations" is this is an area, where there is an infinite scope for improvement for each one of us to change our hearts, minds and behaviour? 

What do you normally do if, at the workplace, if someone responds to your e-mail with a sharp critique, copying others in your department and your boss? Or, if a customer makes a professional swipe at your companies product or solution ? Or, if someone interrupts you at a meeting to shoot down your idea ? Or, when a group of people are selected to discuss an upcoming project and you’re not invited? 

Offices are kind of like families — you’re thrust into close relationships with people and it and provides for all kinds of opportunities for conflict, whether real or imagined. Quite frequently ‘imagined,’ because there’s actually less personality conflict than people think.

When any individual at any level is being professionally affronted and/or personally slighted at work – an immediate and common response will be to either retort back with violence or feel hurt and get into silent/sulk mode.

The moot point here when you are faced with a legitimate criticism, misunderstanding, and personality clash or something in between you should treat it as if there were no personal component at all. The best course of action for dealing with such situation is not to let them make us angry - segment the issue, the person, the emotion and focus on what you really really want moving forward.

That’s asking a lot. I know. If you keep your mouth shut, no one can ever know how you really feel. You have to suppress your natural inclination and bite your tongue. But once you appreciate the payoff of saying nothing – you cannot make an ass out of yourself or make an enemy out of someone else.

Next time when responding to such a tricky situation, just remember before your respond with anger, just pause and think – you will find out that the root of anger is not “out there” but “in here”.

If you relate to these situations, let me know your comments/insights /anecdotes on how can we can do better conduct ourselves in the face of perceived “personal” provocations.

We will live a fast-paced world where self-interest and personal gain at every level is the most important metric of any relationship.

This post has been inspired by a series of inputs that I have received in the last couple of weeks that have left me shocked, pained, humbled but most importantly better prepared for the future. Couple of real-life anecdotes to make the point on how less we seem to be caring these days

This is a story of a friend of my mine who worked for a good company for over 8 years and rose in the ranks to become a senior leader and was extremely successful in the company. He had a coterie of subordinates, peers, friends who used lavish praise and respect for him at every opportunity. After 8 years for better prospects he left his company to join another promising start-up..for some reason his stint in the new company did not work out the way he wanted and he had to leave. What he than went through was gut-wrenching period where no one from the earlier company even accepted his calls and when his mother died only two people called him and one person made it to his mother's funeral. What changed  ?

Another similar story of a person..who was the senior most person in his company (300 people) and worked for over 15 years - gave his heart, sould and life during that time to the company. One fine morning he realised he had been superseded as part of a restructuring exercise and he decided to leave the company. Guess the number of people who came to say goodbye to him when he left - 2 people...in a company where every employee was available at his beck & call couple of months ago only 2 people felt the need to wish him goodbye - why?

I don't think their is anything right/wrong here the central point is that this can happen to you too. The reality of relationship's in corporate life with most of your colleague will be driven  mostly by your ability to make a difference to them based on your position/skill and that will be the primary metric for the relationship. Please remember that your self-image of being successful or good is function of your company's brand image and is "alive" till the time you are useful for the company and not applicable once you leave that company;(

I am an eternal optimist and I think each one of us will do better if we care more for other. Its one of my longest post but will like to end with a few recipes on how we can care better for others

-  Stay in touch with your friends/colleagues, customers and partners as it means everything. Even if you don't have anything to say or report just call - don't worry about what to say topics will come up naturally may be they will have something to say.- just remember to listen.

- When someone close has a tragedy ..don't just send a card/sms/flowers - send yourself. They won't remember what you said but they will never forget you came

- Kindness and genuine self-interest in others is the most valuable trait in building lasting relationship

No one really cares how much you know until they know how much you care!!

The real key to success in life is putting others first: Your family, friends, business associates, partners and customers.

I believe we enter this world as relatively selfish creatures and spend our entires lives trying to become less so

When I was first married, my focus was almost entirely my career. I still think that I am a good husband because I put bread on the table. I spend  less time on her feelings and too much time on my own. Its no longer about me - I am beginning to spend as much time thinking about my kid's success as mine.

Let me know your thoughts on whether success in life is about putting others first or self - comments welcome ?

There are only two things in life worth striving for. One is happiness; the other is success

There are lot of happy people who aren't very successful. And there are a lot of successful people who aren't very happy.

To be happy, you need to create a positive attitude in your own mind. A powerful sense of self, so to speak.

To be successful, you need to create a positive attitude in the minds of other people. Success is what others do for you not what you do for yourself

Wish to challenge the conventional wisdom that hard work, total dedication and constant improvement deliver you success in life. Positive thinking might  make you happy (the yin) and its a terrific approach to life in general  but it won't bring you success.

Happiness and success, the yin and yang of life. The chinese symbols for all principles one finds in the universe, the yin and yang are diametrically opposed concepts.

How can we achieve both at the same time - comments welcome ?

The best in business have boundless curiosity and open minds. And this allows them to work and live with a childlike sense of wonder as well as access the world-class levels of creativity that fuels their professional success. They read constantly. And they understand that everyone they meet knows at least one thing that they don't.

In todays world one cannot cling to past and assume that what worked for you in the past will be a leading indicator for your future success. The best businesspeople have a hunger to make their todays better than their yesterdays. They have a staggeringly large appetite for pushing the envelope. They stretch their personal frontiers by taking risks and by running to their fears and by improving every area of their lives. Relentlessly. And this serves to keep them young at heart. And at the cutting edge for years.

The leader of the future will be the person who knows how to ask - Peter Drucker. The quality of questions define the quality of answers and the quality of business outcomes.  In this world of dazzling change and stunning opportunity, quality of thought is the most important commodity of success.